Word of the Day: Gray Rock
It's sad that we need this word, but we do.
verb
The practice of deliberately making oneself uninteresting and unresponsive so as to defend oneself against a narcissist who wishes to elicit certain responses.
as in, Why I Am Gray Rocking My Spouse. To Save My Sanity.
Most people will eventually lose interest in a dull piece of granite. So there’s a theory percolating online that if you adopt the qualities of a stone, becoming impassive and bland, then you will repel the argumentative, antagonistic people in your life who are itching for conflict.
It’s called the “gray rock” method, and over the last decade it has spread on social media, including among TikTok influencers, who have shared strategies to channel your inner rock. It even surfaced on a recent episode of the reality show “Vanderpump Rules,” when a cast member, Ariana Madix, said that using the technique had helped her avoid toxic interactions with her ex-boyfriend, Tom Sandoval, who had been unfaithful.
The goal of the gray rock technique is to disengage without ending contact, said Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and the author of “It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing From Narcissistic People.” People who gray rock remain neutral, keep their interactions “trim and slim,” and avoid sharing information that could potentially be turned against them, she added.
| Christina Caron, What Is the Gray Rock Method?